Fortune Buff Pillows

'Ummmh... would you please pay me right now and in cash, sir?'

"I hope you are enjoying the walk..."

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

"I have to rest. The 'check engine' light on my activity tracker just came on."

"It's good you're avoiding radioactive pieces of your destroyed home planet that deprive you of your superpowers... but you should also watch the sodium."

'Those fish-oil treatments doing your arthritis any good?'

"Very few people are aware that the 'New York Times' Sunday crossword puzzle is contagious."

Looking at magnetic polarity one understands why an apple a day keeps the doctor away.

Two gamers play in a game arcade near a machine titled; 'Get a life'.

Solar Gain: "Be honest: does the new planet make me look fat?"

"I've found that when money starts talking, you can't shut 'er up!"

'You see me coming here every week and paying you fifty dollars...'

'The wife says if I don't give up snooker, she's leaving me. . .I'm going to miss her.'

"I've just overheard the doctor say the farmer has the flu! We all know what that means: chicken soup!"

So, have you had this 'human flu' yet?

'Yes,I do have a question.. What kind of dental plan do you have?'

"Can't talk now. Cramming for tomorrow's stress test."

Zika Mosquitos

I'll put my nose to the grindstone and shoulder to the wheel, which reminds me, how's the health plan?

'Bovine Growth Hormone.'

'It's some sort of side effect of swine flu!'

"The good news is your weight and cholesterol are stable. The bad news is the research has changed."

'Gasp! Wheez! Nobody told me that once you have a heart you also need cardio!'

"My father was a very succesful man. He left me enough money that I could marry an idiot."

'We're a paperless office - except for executive bonuses.'

"Either the crystal ball's had it or you have."

This guy smells like he just got the Covid vaccine. Do you think it's safe to bite him?

"I think I've already had my fifteen minutes of fortune."

Vaccinating the Easter Bunny

Doctor to man: 'Laughter is the best medicine, but it's not covered in your health plan.'

'Breath in,Miss Benson...breath in!'

Plastic surgeon - 'Cancel all my other appointments,please.'

'What a year! No sooner do I get rid of one cod than, somehow or other, I catch another one.'