Following A Parent's Footsteps Prints

"When I grow up I'm going to be a police officer and follow in my dad's footsteps."

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

Striving to reduce our dependence on fossil fuels, scientists attempt to harness the energy of a toddler's tantrum.

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

L'il Buckaroo on Board.

"Oh look—he fell asleep when you told me about your day."

'The food is great, but it's embarrassing the way she always insists on burping you.'

"How is it gendered?"

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

Businessman with briefcase pushes stroller with baby and its briefcase.

"Be afraid to try new things!"

"I'd like my daughter to know something about engines."

Why all mothers deserve a special day.

'You can go home today, but we'd like to run a few more tests on your husband.'

'If you don't behave we'll unfreeze your stem cells!'

To prevent Christmas git opening from being over in a flash, the Wagner kids were required to use only their feet.

Martians looking at Earth - 'One day son, all this will be yours.'

'My wife and I can't have dogs!'

'Next time your kid has a party, blow up the balloons with an airpump!'

"The dog is developing quicker than me."

The conversion.

"No dessert until you eat all your candy."

"Have you ever heard about deferred prosecution agreements, Mommie?"

'I'm really tired of hearing about her pious children, the angel food cake.'

Kate's Evil Plan: 'Danae...I got a letter from your teacher today...she say's you've been very well-behaved lately...and is worried about what you're really up to.'

Psychiatry. My dad doesn't appreciate how hard it is to follow in his footsteps

"Your father has big shoes to fill!"

'If you don't like fathers in the delivery room, where will you be?'

Now that, my friend, is a beer garden!

"Does it come with instructions?"

'I don't get it! Not one of these books gives the same advice TWICE!

'Shoot, son, if you work real hard and stick to it, I reckon you can grow up to impersonate anyone you want.'

"I couldn't find the off switch."

"Which one's mine?!"