Following A Parent's Footsteps Prints

"When I grow up I'm going to be a police officer and follow in my dad's footsteps."

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

L'il Buckaroo on Board.

"Oh look—he fell asleep when you told me about your day."

'The food is great, but it's embarrassing the way she always insists on burping you.'

"How is it gendered?"

Businessman with briefcase pushes stroller with baby and its briefcase.

"Be afraid to try new things!"

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

"I'd like my daughter to know something about engines."

Why all mothers deserve a special day.

'You can go home today, but we'd like to run a few more tests on your husband.'

'If you don't behave we'll unfreeze your stem cells!'

Martians looking at Earth - 'One day son, all this will be yours.'

To prevent Christmas git opening from being over in a flash, the Wagner kids were required to use only their feet.

'Next time your kid has a party, blow up the balloons with an airpump!'

"No dessert until you eat all your candy."

'My wife and I can't have dogs!'

The conversion.

"The dog is developing quicker than me."

"Have you ever heard about deferred prosecution agreements, Mommie?"

'I'm really tired of hearing about her pious children, the angel food cake.'

"Your father has big shoes to fill!"

"Does it come with instructions?"

'If you don't like fathers in the delivery room, where will you be?'

'I don't get it! Not one of these books gives the same advice TWICE!

Kate's Evil Plan: 'Danae...I got a letter from your teacher today...she say's you've been very well-behaved lately...and is worried about what you're really up to.'

"I couldn't find the off switch."

"Which one's mine?!"

Meals on Heels.