Flight Crew T-Shirts

'What on earth are you doing? Watch your flaps! Increase altitude ... ' Back Seat Pilots: another reason to make cockpits inaccessible to passengers.

Setting Cabin Temperature

Greetings Then - Greetings Now

"If anyone tries to come through that door, I want you to blast away - unless of course, it's Becky with the coffee."

First ClassEconomy ClassNo class.

"When I said to turn off all electronic devices, I didn't mean you!"

"It means I don’t give a flying fuck."

"Is there a pilot in the house?"

Bird

Luggage Arrivals

'Captain, a passenger says there's a gremlin out on the wing of the plane.'

Mix two parts NyQuil to one part DayQuil for a truly TranQuil experience.

"It's beautiful, but maybe we should ask the pilots to turn the heat up."

"I'm going to have a word with the pilot."

"So how are things back in economy?"

"Holy crap! It's a flock of drones."

'The fun begins when we go through airport security.'

"Would you like some wings?"

"Think we'll still make happy hour?"

Newlyweds. . . 10 Years Married. . . 25 Years Married. . . 50+ Years Married.

'You sent your wife to get a bottle of wine from the wine cellar? Your jet doesn't have a wine cellar.'

Employee of the Month Parking

"Sorry for the wait. Have you guys been here long?"

Giant Monkey sprays the pesty planes with 'fly spray'

Lifesaver!

"Rule #1: don't offer to carry anything!"

Two airplanes

Airport

'I said, you're supposed to be in the underworld.'

Getting out of baggage fees is tricky, another sweater or two and I'd be charged for an extra seat.

Gates A-B Taking Care of Business, C-D Funny Business, E-F Do Your Business.

It became increasingly difficult for the captain to reward his crew and still maintain his ferocious reputation.

'He's still following us, Don.'

"On time arrival...check. Paid for drinks...check. Made pleasant conversation...check. Didn't stare at mole...check."

"Kindly place your seat in the upright position, extinguish all smoking material, fasten your seat belt, tie your tie, and adopt a serious and dignified demeanor."