Fitness Fanatic Stuck In The Rat Race Prints

Corporate Gym

"I swapped my 'couch to 5k' training app for a '5k to couch' one!"

An old man exercising with hourglasses

"I'm exempt from the company fitness program. I have triplets at home."

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

Woman weighing herself while holding balloons

'My arms are getting shorter.'

'If you want to get some exercise, carry this out to the garbage.'

'If God had wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them closer to my hands!'

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

'Busy Dear ?' 'Just watching my exercise video.'

'Doc, I'd like you to meet my personal trainer. This should explain a lot about my medical situation!'

"Well, sometimes we take the dogs for a walk...which puts our fitness level at approximately that of an 80-year-old couple."

"The doctor wants me to exercise more, so I need you to lift my feet even more when you're not vacuuming."

'In that case I'll do nothing!'

"Can you send me a detailed list of knee exercises I could do at home but won't because I have no discipline."

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

'Your 'guns' are very impressive Norman,but not at work.'

"I don't get it. I hired him to workout for me every day, and I still haven't lost any weight."

"Well, my fitness band told my doctor how lazy I've been since my last visit. How do I turn on privacy on this thing?!!!"

No, dear, I couldn't workout today, but I did do some strenuous selling and rigorous reinvestment!

"Wanna go scroll on our phones at the gym?"

'You are in a deep, deep sleep, when you awaken you will feel sweaty and exhausted...'

"Four out of five doctors recommend that you get up and get some exercise."

'Executive Fitness Plan'

"Next bench is four steps."

"I haven't lost any weight, so instead of watching just one, I'm going to watch two exercise videos a day."

Just for laughs, let's throw a few folks off course.

"When good hamsters go bad."

"Since I never actually go to the gym, can I deduct the membership fees as a charitable contribution?"

"I don't get all the hype about treadmill desks."

Hamster Laziness