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An Everyday Explanation of the Federal Budget.

"We seem to be spending more on defence than on things to defend"

'I used to work for the Treasury Department, but there's no future in economic forecasts.'

"Defense budget... Do you have any idea how much catnip $700 billion would buy?"

'Let's go home and come back next year. It's Ground Hog Deficit!'

Congressional Budget Committee: Benefactor...Victim

Your son has a genetic inability to calculate. This forecasts for him a brilliant career in the Ministry of Finance.

"Hey, I just got a burst of consumer confidence- let's go buy something."

"Financial Adviser advises client 'I advise you that you're broke'."

'Sorry, you must have the wrong person, I don't pay income tax.'

EU Budget: '5% more and you're home free!'

"Those taxpayers are real extremists."

"If we were a business - rather than a government - we'd be bankrupt!"

Today's sermon: 'Do sin taxes violate the seperation of church & state?'

'Please help me! Every payday, I get robbed some gangsters called 'Fiscal Authority'!

'Should the U.S. motto be, 'In for a buck, in for a trillion'?'

"And please let Alan Greenspan accept the things he cannot change, give him the courage to change the things he can and the wisdom to know the difference."

'It's your debt to society.'

"Actually we're one of the few businesses that enjoy VAT visits."

Pork barrel projects vs Keynesian economics.

Euro crisis bailout.

'Before you return Principal Harris's phone call, I would like to remind you that having a 'living' dependant is an excellent tax deduction.'

Debt Ceiling and False Ceiling.

'I just thought of something that will drive tax-payers crazy.'

'Grible is a fiscal conservative. You know — 'if it ain't broke, don't subsidize it.''

Cost of Terror.

"Come back here you slippery rascal...I can spend that money better than you!"

"Uh, well, I can't pay today, but my Surety, Joe Q. Public's Great-Great-Great Grandson will stand good for me..."

"If only there was a thesaurus for numbers."

"Here's my idea. First we privatize everything. Then we fire everyone. Then we give ourselves bonuses for frugality."

'We've got all the figures, we just haven't decided what order to put them in!'

'Speculation, speculation, speculation!'

"To describe our budget shortfall as a 'Black Hole' is both simplistic and inaccurate."

"The tip jar is not for me. It's for the U.S. Budget Deficit."

Old: In God We Trust. New: God Help Us.