First Manuscript Submission Pillows

'Do I take it that's a 'no'.'

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

First Novels.

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Writes A Novel

"It's about the murder of an editor who refuses to publish a writer's work..."

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

Sumo Love.

I'll be honest, Jerry - When you invited me to join your book club, this is not what I expected.

Peer-reviewed journal publication.

Man has thrown his computer aside and is writing on a typewriter.

A man crosses a fountain pen bridge to reach books.

'Be gentle with me, it's my first novel.'

Colin kept a notebook by his bed to write down any ideas he had during the night... "Genulph hyu donkey slapperthwaite."

"I wrote, self-published and remaindered it myself."

Proceedings of the club

Rubbish, Poppycock, Balderdash

'As is the fashion these days, it's about nothing.'

"I just got a huge advance for my first novel. It's about a writer who gets a huge advance for his first novel."

Hope you're still writing that novel!

Getting Published

'Your book has a wonderful, timely quality. We're putting it on our list for a 2009 release.'

'I'll say one thing about your manuscript, Mr.Jackson - it's very shreddable.'

"As your first novel, it starts out badly and just falls away!"

'It's very nice, dear, but it's still not as lovely as a tree.'

"My first novel is a prequel of a sequel, it's about time travel."

"It's about keeping the bunny alive within each of us."

'These days my approach is to start with the Booker Prize acceptance speech and work backwards...'

"This manuscript is unbelievably mature for a first novel but, sadly, we don't publish the unbelievable."

"They say to get over writer's block, you should write what you know about. So...I wrote about writer's block."

"I can see you drew heavily from your own bad writing."

Knowing your audience

"This is probably the most mature, astute novel of the last half century that I've just finished. Me want ice cream."

"I can't believe my first published short story is about me."

"It's a first novel about the brutal murder of a publisher who refused to publish the first novel of a..."

'Yes, it's very good, but I'm afraid it's already been done, Mr. Nutkin.'