First Job As A Waiter Mugs

Waiters hate Simon Cowell...

'Don't worry, Sir. Most of our customers get indigestion when they see the bill.'

"How can you be out of wings?"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Stephen and I are today's special."

'No Renee, not until you get two degrees, pass a rigorous physical, and beat out thousands of other qualified individuals.'

'You wanna play another round?' 'Sure....tender, another round!'

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

'Your French dip, sir.'

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

Diner.

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

'A cheeky red?'

"Even the waiters here are organic."

"The fish sticks here are very good."

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

Give us a drink that says "we're in love." Oh no, not again. Today's Special. Latte + 1hr web $12.50. We're back together. We're celebrating. Give us my darling pudding pie's favorite drink. A cinnamon mocha latte with a peppermint lollipop swizzle stick. Excuse me?! That is not my favorite drink ... dear. My favorite drink is a cinnamon mocha latte with a spearmint lollipop swizzle stick ... dear. I am so sorry ... snookums. How could I have possibly been so heartless and thoughtless as to con

'We have 800 beers on tap. If you want to hear all of them, you'll have to get here earlier, we close in six hours.'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

'You complimented the chef on his dumplings -now he wishes to return the compliments!'

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

T-Bones STEAK House...NO sissy salad bar!...Heimlich expert always on duty'

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

'Do you have any catsup?'

Kung food restaurant (Waiter flies through the air bringing the food).