First Flight Pillows

Airplane Seatbelts

'Would you mind holding my hand Jim? The truth is, I'm deathly afraid of flying.'

"I got my ticket for three dollars over the Internet. Are you going to eat that salmon?"

"Excuse me, but I think you're in my seat."

'Oops! Sorry! I should've said, 'buckle your seat belts'!'

'Try to keep the number of your landings equal to the number of your takeoffs!'

'There's a fee for each carry on bag, including your bag of potato chips.'

'Are we there yet?'

"Sorry for the wait. Have you guys been here long?"

'Please all just sit down and fasten your seat belts!!'

"Don't worry dude, that's not the intercom, here, give me the manual."

Crowded Air Travel

Luggage checks.

'One carry-on!'

'I feel like my ears are about to pop.'

Getting out of baggage fees is tricky, another sweater or two and I'd be charged for an extra seat.

Airport Security.

'Your excessive weight is a too-heavy carry-on and we must charge accordingly, excessively!'

Alternative Airport

The Problem with the TSA

'I'm sorry, sir, but there is a 25 surcharge to use the lavatory,'

"Is this your husbands first flight?"

"You do not have a QR-Code."

"Err Stewardess? Do you have a sweet? I think my ears are about to pop."

'And upon landing the pilot will give everyone in first class a hug.'

'Next plane to Los Angeles is at 3.'

'The worrying thing is that there are no parents about and it's his third time around!'

"If you do get downgraded from First Class, we can help you adjust with lots of free valium."

"What!?"

Airliner

"When they say you can take bags that fit in the cabin I think they mean the lockers, not the WHOLE cabin."

"Can I interest you in our frequent flyer scheme?"

"Trust me, you're not ready!"

"Could you pass me up? I'm in row one."

Airport