Finds Humor In Tough Situations Prints

"You have three weeks to live, and I'm afraid they're in Feburary."

"Outta my way. I need to check my email!"

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

'I'm afraid your conditions shows no improvement over last time, Mr. Ferguson -- you must still be doing enjoyable things.'

'How much for you to do my tax return?'

'Stop complaining. We can't afford business class any more.'

'We found the only significant impact diet books had was if we made people eat them!'

Vulture waiting outside a failing business.

Shoveling Snow

'Albert Figgis gets board backing.'

Struggling chef.

At first she didn't want to live if it meant being attached to tubes. But before you knew it, they were getting along just fine.

'Bill got sacked, sleeps on a park bend and eats dog food. He's the most motivational speaker we've ever had.'

'I'm not asking you to lie - I'm just asking you to go insane.'

"Staff shortages and increased workloads means all leave has been cancelled...but as compensation we are being offered enhanced toilet breaks!"

'I had a really bad day at work! . . . I was expecting it to be utterly horrific. . . but in the end it was just really bad. . . My cracked glass is half full!'

'You're cheating on me? How can you be so heartless?!'

"My apologies, sir. Our chef forgot to take his beta-blocker."

'...And here, on line 27, where you say 'Beam me up, Scotty'....'

'These shooting sticks are not very comfortable!'

'What matter an inch or two of surface-water, if the ice be still sound undernaeth!'

'Then again, it probably wasn't that bad. I do tend to exaggerate.'

"Your Grandfather's gone to a better place."

"You got it - one 'Fuzzy Navel' coming right up."

'Not only did life pass me by, it HIP-CHECKED me!'

Insurance Claims Offices: Push and Pull the Other One!

New Graduate: Entering real life.

"Apparently reading about the causes of cancer gives you cancer."

'This is 911! Sorry we can't take your call right now, our place is on fire!!'

'This divorce is so bitter I hope he wants it so bad he can taste it.'