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Stockmarket - Forty years a client and I'm still a small investor!

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

"Gentlemen, we're missing a great opportunity by not hitching this company to the current tailspin."

'Now that we've defined 'happy deficits' let's try it out on the stockholders.'

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."

'He's refusing to die as a protest against Inheritance Tax.'

'The recession is over, again.'

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

"Well, Comstock, still regret putting our profits back into research?"

"At these tuition prices an acceptance letter is pretty much a denial."

"Ahh... don't you just LOVE that new, re-organized-under-bankruptcy-protection smell?"

'Are we broke yet?'

"I just..."

Kids ask repetitively: 'Is the recession over yet?'

"Genius is 1% inspiration, 99% budget allocation."

'Brilliant, Prof.Brainstorm. Any fool can come up with a new product, you've come up with a new tax break.'

"Sure, money may be imaginary - but at least it's got everybody imagining it."

Woman at a desk with in out boxes marked Market Up Market Down.

'This graph may need some explaining...'

'You reached the Nervous Investor Fund's Hotline. The per share value is now 19.05, now 18.91, now...'

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

'I'd put it on the back burner, but the stove's been repossessed.'

"It's going to require a great deal of money."

"You will be visited by three ghosts - the Ghost of Porfolios Past, The Ghost of Present Positions and the Ghost of Commodities Future."

'We're a non-profit organisation. We didn't plan it that way, but that's how it worked out.'

An Everyday Explanation of the Federal Budget.

'Looks like we'll have to break into the piggy bank to find our endowment funding.'

'The market shifted on me.'

"Unfortunately the first thing they cut was the stationery budget..."

The IRS emptied my pouch.

'I use my Blackberry all the time to check the competition's executive bonuses.'

"Let's use the dog's prescription. His refills are cheaper."

Davos.

Reverse Mortgage.

Sure, it helps to be a blood-sucking parasite, but that's not all it takes to be a stockbroker...