Financial News Snoozer Prints

"It's 10 p.m. Do you know where the leading economic indicators are?"

Businessman uses yoga moves while reviewing financial news on computer

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

'The recession is over, again.'

"On Wall Street today, news of lower interest rates sent the stock market up, but then the expectation that these rates would be inflationary sent the market down, until the realization that lower rates might stimulate the sluggish economy pushed the mark

Finger on the Z Key

The symbol for the euro (?) depicted as the wheel of a wheelchair, symbolising the state of the currency

"Up market, down market - he's still the same old curmudgeon."

"And then, like an idiot, I turned to the boss and said 'Maybe the stock market isn't the only thing that's been overvalued!'"

'So, a bailout is like a Ponzi scheme for automakers?'

"This just in... All new Euro notes are to be printed on Greece-proof paper."

Giant merger.

'U.S. stocks surged on news that the government they all hate won't go out of business.'

'I follow my dad's stocks so I know when to ask for an allowance increase.'

"Since when did economists become sociologists?!"

'Stocks plummeted today, on forecasts that tomorrow will be warm and muggy.'

'The Dow has shot up 2.5% on positive data on housing - until five minutes from now, when it'll be interpreted differently.'

'Stocks fell on the news that whatever can go wrong, usually does go wrong.'

'Wouldn't it be easier if the banks simply merged with the Inland Revenue?'

'I hear it's a grudge match between the three of them.'

'He used to swear by the stock market. Now he swears at it.'

The market went up and down, up and down, up and down...

'Skip the comics. Let's get on to the financial page.'

'Today the stock market closed early so money managers could take time to stop and smell the profits.'

'The market dropped on the news some IRS refund checks said 'do not cash until next Friday'.'

'What's our stockbroker doing in the shower? Quick! Run and get me a rolled up copy of the Wall Street Journal!'

'The market goes up, the market goes down. And that's our business report.'

" ... and markets closed lower today on news that markets would close lower today."

"On Wall Street today, the stock market corrected its previous correction, and is pretty sure it's got it right this time."

"Today, stocks dropped on news the new federal reserve chief, Janet Yellen, is a 'rookie'."

'Today, in the stock market, 'irrational exuberance' was up, 'caution' was down.'

"Everywhere you look, there's a rate hike."

'Today a ray of hope . . .'

"What a great day to be alive and not under indictment."

'We've got to stop him watching Robert Peston.'