Finance Fictioneer T-Shirts

"...and then the heroic young investor managed to capture the evil high interest rate monster and wrestled him down until he was a mere 5.25%!"

Will work for ETFs

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

Three businessmen using a pulley system to change a graph

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

'I understand they specialize in acquisitions.'

Credit Crunch Corn Flakes.

Paper Profits Break Glass In Case of Emergency.

'Like it? I LOVED it! The narrative gripped me from the first sentence and didn't let go until the final, heart-stopping page! And the CHARACTERS! Without question, Harris, this is the finest year-end financial report you've ever written!'

'If you're out of quarterly earnings, I'll take the assets and liabilities breakdown.'

'If you must know... I got the ten-million-dollar bonus this year because... instead of losing 15-million-dollars, we could of possibly lost much, much more!'

'Actually, they're a hybrid. They are a blue-chip, common stock.'

'Give me something that will restore my faith in Equities . . .'

Proud Parent Of A Medical School Student With Huge Debt.

'I'd recommend against investing in hog futures - what sort of future could a hog have?'

"Any chance of a couple of crumbs?"

'Your mortgage is under water...so what's the problem?'

"Okay, it if makes you feel better...yes, I have stock in a banana company."

'Long term I like energy and transportation stocks. Short term I like lottery tickets.'

"Tell me the fairytale about the economy."

'Worldcon' - financial statement fraud exposed.

'Instead of jail time, our head of finance chose the stock option.'

"And so as a hedge against this trend, the directors have decided to invest heavily in red ink."

"Financial Adviser advises client 'I advise you that you're broke'."

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

"Will you manage my portfolio?"

'Your numbers are WAY off...I'd like to see them SLIGHTLY less off.'

'Honey, have you seen the size of this phone bill.'

'I handle commodities and Dietrich here specialises in stocks and bonds.'

'I miss the great depression.'

The Mattress Savings Bank

IRS, 'You filed your tax return two days late -- Why do you hate America?'

'My new investment counselor keeps referring to my stock portfolio as 'a financial aneurism waiting to happen'.'

'Your prescription is ready. How would you like to finance it?'