Festive Traditions Mugs

"Tell her Legal says it's technically not a bribe."

Sanitizer

"Yes, a glass of milk and cookies for Santa is common, but when you find carrots for the reindeers, you know for sure it's a nice kid's house..."

"He's been around since the sixties."

'Sorry we're late, we lost three days following one of those Chinese lanterns.'

'Why didn't you tell us that you'd put coins in the Christmas pudding?'

"Rudolph, with you nose so bright... I'm using my GPS device tonight!"

"That's ridiculous. A red nose wouldn't work as a GPS system."

"It was awesome! I was so well camouflaged he didn't see me, but I saw Santa!"

Christmas TV...

"He knows when you are awake or sleeping. He knows when you've been good or bad. No one pays attention to invasion of privacy laws any more."

"He will be somewhat surprised when he meets the new gay guy from accounting!"

"Don't like my chances of milk and cookies..."

"Your goose is cooked."

"Rudolph, you have been the team leader for a long time, but you must understand that by insisting on using a mask this year, you are hiding your competitive advantage."

Mistletoe and Mistlefoot

"Better give him more slack, Ernie! That cable is really straining!"

"To me, nothin' says Christmas like shootin' your own tree."

Narcissus, under the mistletoe.

Santa Busking for Milk and Cookies

"Ever since they legalized marijuana, fewer homes are putting out milk & cookies."

"30 million cookies and thousands of gallons of milk all in one night? Yes, I'd say we've got dietary issues to address."

Shelf on an Elf

Santa Claus and Global Warming

Candy Canes! (Kinda Suck)

Christmas Eva

"Room for bigger presents."

"I knew I heard caroling last night!"

'Don't try to kid me - that whole Rudolph thing is just a publicity stunt, isn't it?'

'I'm afraid it's another case of 'chestnuts roasting too near an open fire,' doctor.'

There's no place like Ho-Ho-Home

"You'll have to pick a toy. I can't get you on 'Survivor'"

'...and this year I can do without the usual 'nice new toothbrush.''

"That's for the kids that've been naughty."

Some at the Thanksgiving table were unusually thankful this year.