Fantasy-meets-reality Buff Prints

Spiderman's tummy rumbles on the subway

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

Man: 'How cute. He must like the movement.' Cat: 'There are some challenging themes here but little or no dramatic resonance.'

Minority Report

I understand that our cat Magus died. I miss her a lot. But I wish my parents wouldn't tiptoe around it. House of Java.net Cybercafe. You don't have to watch Youtube clips of CSI: Miami to understand that death is a part of life. The thing I don't understand about our cat's death is, who would've killed her and left a mountain of unresolved clues that only a crack forensics team can figure out? Where were you at 8:45 p.m.? The Youtube Generation grows up fast.

'Of course it's safe. It has no preservatives, no additives, no artificial coloring...'

Coming up: Bush and Kerry will debate on 'saturday night live'...and whoever gets the most laughs will be the winner.'

'Can't you at least wait until half time?!'

"If you're such a great Doctor, how come you're not on Chicargo hope or ER?"

Woman and TV.

Antler Buzzers.

The Kali De Milo.

'What TV show do frog princes go on ...?...'

Couch Potatoes

"I find it disturbing when you breathe through your nose."

'How come I always get the shoulder with the parrot?'

Emma Watson

'Your plasma screen TV needs a transfusion.'

"Bah! in my day bands knew how to play their computers properly. Like Kraftwerk"

'I decide reimbursement rates at the Healthcare Exchange of Oz!'

Piers Morgan.

'It's our latest line-suits for t.v announcers'

Pop star weather report.

"We've never had a Cheshire cat in the surgery before. He's not very happy to be here is he?"

'Big-time operators are standing by....'

'I wasn't going to destroy their country until they introduced me to the cast of 'Jersey Shore'.'

'I keep them around for unruly octopi, or giant radioactive spiders... you know, just in case.'

"My husband wanted me to get a boob job, so I became a stand-up comedian."

'This feels a bit strange: Are you really from the Blood Bank?'

'You can't vote him off, dear - he's the newsreader'

"I knew it, there is an autocorrect demon!"

'And that's not all, everyone in the audience today is going home with a brand new Buick!!! Oh wait...That's next Tuesday.'

"When the evil witch pushes the children into the oven, .... that's just a metaphor for putting them in the microwave"

Gloria wants us to go on the "Dr. Phil" tv show for relationship counseling. I know he would side with her, so I said the only way I would go on is if he agrees to call me "Mr. Lance."