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"One of you will always wonder if this could have been settled differently."

'I'm so happy I could help you with your allergy to snakes, Miss Medusa!'

"Call this an iceberg? When I was a kid we wouldn't have called this an iceburg!"

'You must have misunderstood, dear -- I'm sure they don't sell old generals at government auctions!'

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

'...please switch of all mobile phones, paging devices and alarm watches...'

'How kids really saw Mr Robinson in computer classes.'

"Hey! I was trained in 1948 and was good enough for then, so it's good enough for now....whipper-snapper!"

Dante Alighieri

Gentleman discovering that his servants have been eating most of his good meat

'Now, Mrs Althorpe, if you think you see the man who assaulted you, we just want you to touch him on the shoulder.' (Mrs Althorpe beats a man up and then says she doesn't recognise any of them)

"No Eric, you're NOT funny haha. . . you're funny peculiar. . !"

"My great-uncle Lupe owned a barber shop! He made a lot of money!"

Sisyphus, 117 million years on

"I'd like to donate my body to comedy."

I'll bet with age would come wisdom, if only we would remember a @#%* thing.

Buster Keaton

"When I said, 'Never bring a knife to a gunfight,' I figured the spoon and fork were also implied."

"I'd like a full canteen with lemon."

'Don't be ridiculous, Schaumberg! -- They didn't have Burma-Shave back then!'

"I hope this isn't the start of an insensitive joke that was once considered funny."

'Could you straighten my little brother out? -- he has the Trinity mixed up with the Three Stooges.'

Laurel and Hardy police protection - "And don't worry about informing on the mob. I've arranged that two of my men give you 24 hour proctection."

'Actually, my Dad never learned to talk - My Mom's a ventriloquist.'

Goldilocks and the Three Stooges

Laurel & Hardy

'George, I'd like you to meet Mademoiselle Fifi LaTour from Paris -- she inspired me to invent bifocals!'

'You'll never be as good as Morecambe and Wise,'

American Gothic lol

'If anyone calls, I've gone to look for Wally.'

Cut out and keep your own Butler.

'I'm not too happy about this new identity you lot have given me!'

"Not to worry, sire! It's just the farm implement trade show coming to town!"

Clown at custard pie factory, "Are you sure about hiring him Mr Wilkins?"

Road Safety