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Charlemagne

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

'You realize, we can't use the 'benign neglect' method for everything.'

King Henry and his Cheshire bride

"Well how about that. . . Lady Godiva bought a Harley!"

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

"You don't think it's too ungapatchka?"

'Don't be silly- of course you're going into the family business!'

"Based on the feedback from advisers whom I haven't beheaded, all of my ideas are great."

'How about a game of cards?'

"The peasants are revolting Sire."

"He's a guard dog."

TV jester.

Czarcasm

'Did you bark, M'Lady?'

"She wishes to range free!"

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

"Can you juggle a household, three kids, and a career?"

"With all due respect, Sire, the Pizza King sends his kindest regards."

King on the toilet whilst jester laughs because the toilet paper is out of reach.

'Well, nobody can say you haven't grown in office.'

'I can't finish -- may I have a peasant-bag?'

'I'd think you'd be used to having a moat by now.'

'Gunboat diplomacy won't work, sire -- we're landlocked, remember?'

"In my own country I didn't drive a taxi."

Trading half a kingdom for a lesser steed!

'Small favor, Elizabeth - before we enter the throne room, drop back ten paces.'

"I don't suppose you get many sovereign rulers in here anymore?"

'Scroll down for the good stuff!'

'The King of what?'

'Let it go, will you? -- That whoopie cushion incident was years ago!'

'Charles, you're carrying this 'king of the castle' business too far!'

'The deficit doesn't look nearly so bad now that we've switched to Arabic numerals.'

'Democracy? -- do you REALLY want the bars closed every election day?'