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Men Parenting

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

"I need to know who started it."

'He's bound to wake up sometime!'

'Son, sometimes I think you don't know your head from your tail. Come to think of it, it is tough.'

'Now listen: The big hairy ones are the hunters, while the smaller ones with long hair are the gatherers...'

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Chilly baby.

'Push, dear! The child will be late for pre-school!'

'Dad, how come we never see and of them in flight?'

'Please tell me I'm adopted.'

"I don't think the crackling sound coming from your lower back is as serious as you thought. Just relax and I'll have this Rice Krispie Square out of your back pocket in no time."

"Sure, Mom, I'll eat first, but then can we discuss my 'overseas adoption'?"

'I did tell you there were speed bumps in this via.'

'The brown one that smells like an old man.'

'Not today,son-not on Fathers' Day!'

'Good one Dad. Imagine your catch if you had bought us REAl fishing gear.'

"Have you seen my wife?"

"Michael, do your dinner."

'Go on Darling, play in the soil-pit for a while...'

"Can you wangle me some parental leave?"

'My mom invented baths!'

"What happens if you get the headphones in the wrong ear?"

'Until I met your Mom, yes.'

Add your kids' ages together...

"No arguing mister! I want you to eat at least one pea!"

'Yeachh! This isn't easy when they're not potty trained.'

"This dog has wheels!"

'Pack your things we're moving.'

"Is this because I didn’t eat my kale?"