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The Genealogist

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

Mr. & Mrs. Stickfigure are expecting twins.

A kangeroo and it's baby read books about understanding each other.

Family DNA

'I demand a DNA test.'

"Dear? The toothpaste is on the top shelf. Don't touch the tube on the bottom shelf, that's Grandma's triple strength epoxy denture adhesive."

OOG & SONS HUNTING & GATHERING

"Papa Bear was too much, Mama Bear wasn't enough, and I always had to be just right."

"Having nannies really changes you."

'Dad, when do I stop being a wholly owned subsidy of you and Mom?'

'He's got your nose.'

"But I brought you here so I wouldn't have to play with you."

'She knew we'd try to talk her-out of it.'

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

Well, I'll be...Dutch Elm Disease!

'He's not my Daddy: He's my great great grandfather...'

"She may be awhile. Her mother's helping her park."

'We're playing I'm a mummy with lots of different daddies.'

"Your father would be able to afford to send you to a good college if only he had listened to me when he was your age!"

"If you see this as motherly advice, we have a whole new subject to explore."

'I've had some strange cravings during my pregnancy. Such as the one to strangle my husband.'

'I'm tracing my relatives.'

"It's perfect for starting a family."

"Ask Mom for Sweet Chunk Cookies. If she says no, ask Grandma."

The dna double helix, with a human family taking the place of the dna rungs (or bases), illustrating genetic inheritance within the family

'I sent my mother to jail. I work for the IRS.'

"it's just... we're too lazy to have any of our own."

"Miss Rogers, Sally Green. Is it true my son's research project is 'the effect of too much television on a typical ten-year-old?'"

'Periodic table and avoirdupois weight of the Mendeleev family'

'My dad is pushing me to become an alpha male, but frankly, I'd rather be a poet...'

'Today is my day to baby sit.'

"But in the dream, ha ha, your family was normal, even that sociopath little brother of yours."

"Listen, I'm still your mother."

'Dad, have you ever thought about researching our family tree?'