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"I'm in big trouble. The dog ate my homework, and Dad ate my science project."

'Or retired.'

"...Mom, can you get me a glass of wine?"

"I told you this would happen once you let her sleep on the bed."

"You just wait until your father gets home and adjusts your algorithm!"

Kate's Evil Plan: 'I convinced her that good behavior is a stealth tactic that'll help her reach her goal to one day rule the world.'

"He followed me home...finally!"

'Why is it I can see what needs doing around here and you can't? . . . I know what cures that. . . 'Chores-ercise'.'

'You say that he's so good that you 'Don't know you've got him', so what's the point of him?'

'Hey Holly, Watch! Biscuit can catch a ginger snap in mid-air!!'

'Anything interesting happen today, dear?'

"i finally got around to reading the 'Having A Baby' books."

"It's good for you. It has lots of vitamin D."

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

No one has ever been accused of choosing bad relatives.

'Sure, a drawing on Facebook has coverage, but nothing wows the family like a spread on the fridge.'

'That reminds me, the seat broke on mine. I must make time to get it repaired.'

Office pics on dinner table.

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

'Everything I say to you goes in one ear and out the other.'

celebrating a birth.

"Listen. Nobody's cuter than anyone else! You're all equally cute!"

I love my family!

'With these alternative fertility treatments you never quite know how things turn out,'

'Hi Dad. I want you to meet Mr. Hacketal, my attorney.'

It's a Boy

"Do we go out or do we stay home and open a can of worms?"

"It's bold! It's moving! It's inspired! But what is it?"

Mother's Love

"No monsters, but there's a tear in the carpeting and I see hardwood!"

"Use your inside scream."

"I'm so good at this!"

'I think babies grow in a mommy's tummy and adopted babies grow in a mommy's heart.'

'What about you...you've been living here thirty years too?'