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"Can I borrow the car keys?"

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

"Truth is relative at these reunions. It depends on which relative you talk to."

"I thought it would be nice if we had a forum where we could get together and have screaming tantrums."

"Look at their faces! What did they expect? They never visited her! Of course the will says her money goes to the cat shelter. . ."

Lady asking her fiance's son if she can be his new mother.

"Nothing else in my room can spin on the floor like a bottle."

A child as a pet substitute.

'We're playing I'm a mummy with lots of different daddies!'

"Could you please downgrade this to a C? High expectations bring out the worst in my parents."

'So, you're an organ-grinder's monkey? A professional beggar? Is that how you intend to support my daughter?'

"Ours will be the first mixed marriage in my family. Dog people NEVER marry cat people."

"All I ask is a chance to ruin my life in my own way."

"I'm afraid these grades aren't giving me a very satisfying vicarious life."

"Well that's the last of our offspring gone - let battle commence."

"We need to have a serious talk."

"I'm so sorry that I screamed...I had a terrible dream: the kids had to leave college and live with us again...Oh, Ed, it was horrible!"

'You are right, honey, it's raining too much. It's not the best day to visit my mom.'

'Dad, I don't need a two-thirds majority to over-ride your veto. I've got mom.'

'I didn't hear you calling. I can't listen to everybody who yells at me.'

'Male, 38, still living with his parents. They asked us to keep him overnight, so they could change the locks.'

"Daddy, can I have a pony killed?"

"The kids - Prince Englebert and Princess Felicia - would like us to move into the olde monarchs' home."

"Think about it: Toby's the only ram here, so we have to be half brothers!"

'I'm leaving my wife because of another woman. Her mother.'

'Yoy know perfectly well WHICH corner, Jamie!'

Bears: 'Mummy, mummy can I sleep over at Jessica's this winter.'

"...and then while I was at soccer practice they moved house."

'It's good, Timmy, but it's not refrigerator good.'

"Dad, here's that update on my childhood you requested."