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SERMONS 'R' US - everything for the clergy.

'What do you do with the time you save?'

High security Santa's grotto

"Repent" "Give alms" "Resist temptation" "Pray for me" "Fasting" "Acts of service" "Sacrifice" "Abstain" "You are ashes" "You are dust" "No meat"

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

George doesn't really like me using the credit card.

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

7 can't-miss prayers to insure that your team wins.

'Running your own business means being self-made, unfortunately it also means finding out what you're made of!'

'I think I've now earned the right to wear God on my sleeve.'

Online Shopping.

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

Sale On Slightly Irregular Designer Shirts

"Any other reason for your disappointment with God other than your team has never won a Superbowl?"

"Why do parishioners only eat half their donuts???" "Partial indulgence."

Sunday Sermon: Does God Prefer Particular Sports Teams?

"Since you're into burnt offerings you should come over some Sunday for one of her special dinners."

'You've got to give Tom credit. When he's searching for parts for his car online, nothing bothers him...and I mean nothing!'

Cars follow the sign to the mall rather than the sign to the manger.

'But it didn't cost anything, dear! I did it all off balance-sheet!'

'Attention everyone! I'd like to make a rebuttal of the resolution my husband just made about my going SHOPPING.'

'Today's sermon is on the feeding of the five thousand...and I'll be giving you the recipe for that.'

'Wait until you see what you got me!'

"Sir, there are no waitresses or menus — this is Crate & Barrel."

'Those wafers are no good. Why don't they have cookies?'

'Of course I followed the diet religiously. I do everything religiously.'

The church of our lady of wall street.

'Hold my purse. I'm going in only to complain.'

"Excuse me, Father...is the host gluten-free?"

'I enjoyed the deviled ham, the deviled eggs and the devil's food cake, but we need a menu more in tune with our mission.'

Add to Basket?

'He outgrew his shoes on the way home from the shoe store.'

"I love holiday shopping, but with all the scams this time of year I must be careful."