Executive In-joker T-Shirts

'What do you mean our mailroom has gone public?'

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

'Ah, Galagher, we made good use of your proposal.'

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

'Asynchronous, collaborative, interactive - we're obviously on a roll.'

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tick, tock-tock, tickety-tick tock ….

'You really want that promotion, don't you, Sherman?'

"If Google Translate is correct, they want our women and our cattle."

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

'Bad news, sir -- there's a leak in our think tank!'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

'Please leave the light on, dear. I'm afraid there might be OSHA inspectors under the bed.' 'Managers at Night.'

'Before we start, shall we go round the table, and each share our name and a horrible dark secret from our past.'

'All right! Who put my dozing-off during our last meeting on youtube?'

"Before I read the financial report I have to ask... do any of you have a weapon?"

"Remind me again, is it Accounting or IT that handles issues related to online solitaire?"

'What's the smallest budget you can manage on?' 'The most you can give me!'

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

"And finally, I’d like to thank all those people I stepped on and used to get here. I couldn’t have done it without your submissive insecurity and relentless resignation."

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

"In my old job we were encouraged to run fast and break things."

'Careful, that's where the boss keeps his ego.'

"Call security, Miss Rightman. I have an overwhelming urge to throw good money after bad"

'You're off the plane, Hal. Put the laptop on your desk.'

Of course I always start off by wooing a prospective candidate with talk of stimulating work,great colleagues and a reasonable work life balance...but the winning argument is always when I promise them enough money to choke a rhino.

Check zombies.

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

'Not exactly what I meant by job creation.'

'Stop emailing me, I am standing right here.'