Excel Wizard Pillows

"Then you just run a VLOOKUP against the Naughty column."

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

"We only got six days of funding."

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

'Actually, accounting is an exact science.'

"Thank you for that summation of the charts."

"I can always tell when Philip is working on family finances. A 'cursor' appears on both sides of the computer screen."

"Remember Mr. Cockbundle is not just a 'customer', he is an important source of valuable and readily marketable data."

"One of the most compelling graphic presentations I've ever seen!"

'This is embarrassing. By MY calculations, the universe should have collapsed in on itself last Wednesday.'

"Good invisible exports figures this quarter, sir."

Three businessmen using a pulley system to change a graph

"Lovely dovetail."

Failure/Due Diligence

Counting part time employees is the new math.

'Unemployed math grad. Will solve quadratic equations for food."

"Have you been working out?"

Waiting for retirement.

Targets.

But under a different accounting convention ...

Re-Tooling Costs - "Could you be a little more precise than umpteen million?"

'This software package can cut your workload in half. Do you want to purchase two copies?'

Convention for People Who Like to Attend Conventions.

'I have created the first interactive pile of paperwork.'

Empty/Full

The Move.

'When I registered for this class, in computer programming, nobody told me that it's all about converting caffeine into computer code.'

'And that's with massaging the numbers!'

'I think you'll find these projections somewhat exaggerated, but in a good way.'

'So, after much wailing and gnashing of teeth, the financial report is approved.'

'Good news! It looks as though the $50 million loss we expected to show is going to be a $30 million profit. You know, we should have hired a government accountant as our chief financial officer years ago.'

'I home-schooled all seven kids. Right now I'm in the teacher's lounge.'