Eurovision Skeptic T-Shirts

"At least some good has come out of all this."

"I'll show you our growth projections but only if you promise not to snicker."

Science Museum. Why are you skeptical about the things scientists say? Because they claim the universe is expanding but when I visited my childhood hometown, everything was smaller.

"It's a great story, funny and entertaining - and better still it's not won a single prize for literature."

The Euro - R.I.P.

You're on, caller. What's your problem?! The Oscars were so very, very boring. You decided to sit in front of your tv for four hours watching rich people give themselves awards. YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE ENTERTAINED, LOSER! They're coming out with a new show called "Watching Celebrities Cash Their Checks." You'd probably enjoy that. Get professionally berated at asksadie@rudypark.com.

Eurovision Hymn Contest

ABBA

"You wanted to miss the Matisse show."

Terry Wogan

'Magazine, yes. Book, maybe. Musical dance - never in a million!'

"It's witless, repetitive, and irritating. It's great!"

'Free wi-fi for husbands.'

Lack of Euro Vision

'I'd sooner vote for the Magna Carta than the E.U. charter !'

Loreen-Euphoria-ESC in Baku

They all have to get down the slide in 2.7 seconds or we lose our funding. In schools soon: The recess aptitude test.

"Signal London the continent is cut off!"

'I would have liked it better if Engelbert Humperdinck sang one of his own songs from Hansel and Gretel!'

Eurovision 2021

"Somehow these awards are seeming less special."

'Lincoln Standardized Test Center - formerly Lincoln High School'

'The doctor from 'daytime television' said I've got gall stones, but I thought I'd better come to you for a second opinion.'

"Didn't make it home from the Eurovision party again this year, then...?"

"I can't sleep, I've just read the weather forecast and I'm afraid that Cliff Richard will sing again..."

Diogenes and the Greek Crisis

Lonely Trump Rally in Tulsa

"I can give you a 93.4% assurance that there is less than a 65.6% possibility that this excercise will simply generate 34.8% more meaningless statistics."

'I find you guilty of a most criminal act...' says a judge to a musician playing songs from Eurovision.

Euro free zone

Happy Eurovision!

'He has Van Gogh's ear for music.'

'There's no such thing as a winning lottery ticket, it's all a hoax.'

Down with EU!

"A completely new concept in Television, a Vorderman free channel!!"