European Integration Gifts

Michael Heseltine

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

Albania and North Macedonia: entrance denied

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

Mario Draghi

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

Dog Walking Services

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

Covid Inquiry / Enquiry

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

"It's an update from the people tracking us. According to this, we haven't gone anywhere or done anything."

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

Robotic Man

'I know he doesn't like this house, but he'll just have to get used to it.'

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

The Euro-Trash Trashcan

A Vase has fallen on a cat's head. Are mice to blame?

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

Self-Isolating. Do Not Disturb (Except For Food).

'Do you realize that we're sitting in a prefabricated house, eating precooked dinners, and listening to Chris Matthews' opinions?'

'Stop cracking and hulling his seeds. He's accustomed to working for his food.'

We need a Europe of U-turns.

'Your fur looks like you slept in it.'

"Attention, everyone! Here comes Poppa, and we're going to drive dull care away! It's quips and cranks and wanton wiles, nods and becks and wreathed smiles."

'I'm glad you're able to be with us more, but I'd appreciate it if you'd say you're 'spending time' with us, not 'doing time' with us.'

Matryoshka/ Russian Gas Cylinders

"I'm trying to create a hologram of myself. If I'm successful, I'll never have to attend school, go to the dentist or go anywhere else that's boring again."

'Fancy us all being afraid of wasps when there's a WHOLE nest of 'em in my drinks cabinet!'

'Rabbits make great pets, but it's best to have them one at a time.'

Man pushing Euro sign up a hill.

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

''Food miles' is a big issue, so I'm reducing the distance my food travels by moving my fridge into the living room.'

'You know I'd take the blame kid, but I'm still on shakey ground over that carpet incident.'

European Union: Entering a prohibitive tax zone.