Ethics Officer T-Shirts

'Run this by 'Legal,' but sprint it by 'Ethics.''

'There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. We're looking for someone who can make all three of these work for us.'

'It has to be understandable, Higbe. A code of ethics is not actually to be written in code.'

'Everything is negotiable, including my integrity.'

'Great, and I'll also need some mirrors.'

'Let the minutes show that Fenwick brought up the subject of corporate ethics.'

'The environmental impact should be minimal. In any event, we can work around it.'

'That, sir - that dismissive little hand wave? It's way too Enron.'

"Let's first run it by the boys down in corporate responsibility so that we can find out exactly how much we can get away with."

'Next...an in-depth report on corporate corruption - excluding, of course, our parent company.'

'...In other news, the House Ethics Committee today changed its name to the House 'Everybody Does It' Committee.'

'Astonishing! I just used a compass to follow the moral course of our company!'

'When did we lose our way, Mike? When did our reckless pursuit of short-term, quasi-legal profits take precedence over prudent, far-sighted corporate growth? When, Mike, when?'

"But if I don't know the corporate values then I'm not accountable to them."

Ethics Dept: Right, That Gray Area, Wrong.

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

"Technology progress is being held up because of ethical concerns. We're hoping to eradicate ethics in our lifetime."

"He's the chief watchdog, who watches over all the other watchdogs—but this must be his night off."

'The ethics training has improved my behaviour to where I'm only amoral.'

Ethics committee - 'All right - who stole my gavel?'

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

'Still, there's a lot of money to be made.'

"And then I said 'Whoa!' That's more than I need to know!"

'Experience is important, so I'm inclined to leave questions of ethics to those who have them.'

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

Ethics Investigating Committee: No Innuendo Beyond this Point!

'We'll just run it past the ethics committee, and we'll be on our way.'

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

Corporate Ethics

Man pulling a chair away before his colleague sits down in an ethics committee office.

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

"I want you to prepare a business ethics presentation. If you don't have the time steal it off the internet."

In/Out boxes: It will be. . . It is what it is. . . What the hell was that.

'I know the difference between right and wrong, Henderson - But I'm also aware of the similarities.'

Whistle blowers