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AUGUSTUS JOHN

THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK

'If Earwigs looked like baby seals:'

'Good news. I found where the termites have been living.'

"And where have you previously moused?"

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

"So, who would you like me to call first, dear, the plumber or the exterminator?"

When cockroaches go unchecked.

'Theaters from Hell' 'We have no sound engineers, so no there's not a good seat in the house.'

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

"There's no need for your kitty to be envious. After state and federal taxes and legal administrative fees, Chessy's share of Aunt Martha's estate came to hardly anything."

'Looks like we're dealing with a mule deer infestation. I can get rid of them, but you'll have to wait until they're in season!'

"Well, you said you wanted something to remove spiders from the bath!"

Flies up the ante!

'Theaters from Hell.' 'We have no sound engineers, so no there's not a good seat in the house.'

"Yes, Madame, Teletubbies."

The Boss.

"I got over DDT, and I'll get over you!"

What did you think happens to all those vitamins that roll beneath the fridge?

'It's not so much you having a cockroach problem - it's more along the lines of us having a human problem.'

"Oh, the usual - spreading pestilence and misery. You?"

"Yep, it says "pesticide"! Not only are they trying to kill us, they also insult us by calling us pests!"

"This wasn’t a mouse, ma’am — it was a cartoonist."

Drone Spray

Pied Piper uses 'Rat Nav'.

"These door hinges squeak."

Superintendent

'How long did you try before calling?'

"Well, what a coincidence, Jeff's in vermin control too!"

'Music hath charms,' &c.