Eloquent Exaggerator T-Shirts

'What accounts for my prolific output as a political pundit? They pay me by the word.'

Fishing Tales

“Sweet mother of Marmaduke... no!”

'What a CV - if you can write memos like this you'll go far in our organisation.'

Alarmistclock

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

Early accounting scandals.

'...and that's the one that got away!'

"Don't worry - you've got to expect a few midge bites on holiday..."

I'm ego surfing right now, looking up my name on different search engines.

National Hyperbole Society: Inspirational & Outstanding

"On your application it says you've been a circus clown, an orthopaedic surgeon and a molecular biologist."

Four Score and seven years ago...

'You're an estate agent aren't you?'

'I gave him the old one-two, but then he gave me three, four, five, six, seven and eight!'

Fish Story

"Come check this out, Doris! I think our mouse trap finally caught a mouse!"

'When I said in my on-line profile that I was athletic, I meant that I like watching sports!'

'This infestation is far more serious than I was anticipating.'

“At what point does it stop being just moths, and start being Pestilence?”

"Don't be so dramatic, you've only got a cold!"

"The fish gets bigger every time he tells the story."

"And that one I tagged with a flamethrower from ten yards."

'Oh, I would say it was at least twice that size, and it had fangs and horns too...'

"Okay. It's a balloon. Get over it."

'Yes, I did suggest you enlarge that photo of you and your car. However...'

'This is what I've been waiting for-a bunch of fishermen telling fish stories.'

Fishing Stories

'You were featured on Rogue Traders'

"When Dennis gets a cold everyone has to know about it"

"...and now a few words from the class know-it-all."

"Hard work, determination, success!"

"I said it was INSPIRED by a true story."

"My wife took up walkin' a mile a day five years ago. Haven't seen her since!" "Lucky son of a..."

'I can tell this fish story just fine by myself, man's best friend.'