Elfconomist Pillows

"Just as I feared. Tariffs."

Two children are running lemonade stands outside their home; one stand is more popular than the other.

'Greek debt was downgraded for the 11th time this week, by S&P, to P.O.S. Negative Infinity, meaning it's safer to eat uranium, than own Greek debt.'

U.S. Foreign Policy

'Don't bother cleaning out your desk. We'll be hiring you back as a consultant for half the salary and no benefits.'

"They've made these fund prospectuses much easier to read." Brochure states; 'Give us all your money and get lost."

"If it's all the same to you, I'd like my allowance in bitcoins."

'This boy you call my son doesn't care about investments, economy and money. I want a DNA test.'

Dow Jones drop

US dollar perched on fragile house of cards.

"Sorry, stock-market jitters."

'Stand back! All he needs is an injection of long-term capital.'

The burden of carrying the Euro.

'This is where I keep my investment portfolio.'

"Gee, thanks! What rate of interest does it pay?"

'All those in favor of requesting a government bailout, say 'Karl Marx'.'

"It failed the stress test."

'. . .actually I'm not a real Guru, I was forced up here originally by the property prices.'

"I rob from the poor and give to the rich."

'Would you merge your mutual fund with mine?'

Sales Chart: Boomerangs LTD

A man is selling, 'Cameron voodoo dolls', outside of job centre.

There will be no economics report...our economics reporter got caught in the tech carnage...

'In the future, if we're a little late with your allowance, don't just automatically turn it over to a collection agency.'

"And, of course, this is when all our loose change fell out of our pockets."

"The treasury has hacked into his computer and asked for ideas to solve the deficit"

'You can't fire me! I'm too big to fail!'

"The minimum wage is being upgraded, so how about the minimum allowance?"

The Euro.

"Oh, just the usual here, occupying Wall Street."

Shares Nosedive

'You wouldn't threaten your bank manager...er...maybe...'