Editing Pillows

"We believe that in a former life she was an editor."

Writer with punctuation spray.

Gramma Police: 'Will work four food.'

The First Writer and Editor: 'Take out that part?! Are you nuts? How is the stampede scene at the end of the cave going to make sense without it?!'

'126,000 words done...now I just need to work out what order to put them in.'

'It was a last-minute change, but a good one.'

"Writing is... rewriting."

"I have a lot of really good ideas, but I just can't get them down on paper."

'They're arguing over whether it should have an apostrophe.'

"Baxter...about this report...your punctuation, spelling and grammar are perfect. No one can understand it!"

'No, go ahead and critique my mss. I'm always ok ... after the initial reaction.'

Sylvia helped Robert to edit one of his memos.

One of the failed candidates for the copyrighters job wants to know 'wat was rong with his applicashun'.

Publisher to writer: 'It was a great read, except I collided with run-on sentences, tripped over broken English and got knocked about by a dangling participle.'

"Mind if I tweak it?"

'The grammar's awful and the spelling's atrocious - otherwise it's an impressive CV.'

"I like it - it's wonderfully editable."

"One of the failed candidates for the copywriters job wants to know 'wart was rong with his applicashun?'"

"You tend to overuse the exclamation point."

What Editors Do

'Can you redo this manuscript, John, and make it less stupid?'

"Damn long-winded Jefferson."

'Well, it was just a first draft.'

"He spends hours waiting for his muse to strike..."

'Celebrity autobiography editing'

"We'll add the everything in afterward."

'Obviously, if you look for mistakes you'll find some!'

'Can you give me one good reason why you never use hyphens?'

"Now you can send it."

Editor.

Punctuation-challenged posters.

"I'm sorry, but refusing to use an Oxford comma isn't really grounds for divorce."

"I'll have my article pulled together in no time."

Thesaurus Editors' Conference, Convention, Discussion, Forum, Meeting, Seminar

THE REPORT: Some of this is brilliant, but that can be fixed.