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S&M Club: Closed with a Vengeance

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

"They're comfortable."

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

"Yeah, I don't like this part either."

Blind man walking a tortoise.

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

"She wishes to range free!"

'Don't be alarmed if you hear the toilet flush a lot. Since you don't feel well, I thought I'd wash the dishes for you.'

"...And that's how to translate honey into money."

How Amazon was invented

'I'm into New Age. My new age is 26.'

King on the toilet whilst jester laughs because the toilet paper is out of reach.

'I'm sure that the autopsy will confirm it was a suicide.'

Coming Soon! More Stuff You Could Live Without!

A Mix Up Between the Buggy and Lawn Mower.

Humans Queue To Use Portable Toilet While Dogs Queue To Use Tree Portable Toilet

'I'm looking forward to parents' night. I'm going to ask these people their diet secrets.'

Kissing the Blarney Stone.

'Since we're being so honest, perhaps I should mention that I liked you better as an egg.'

Technique #54 airlines are adopting for handling excessive carry on luggage.

"Have your parents sign this waiver concerning violations of personal space. . . then you guys can play tag."