Domestic Diplomat T-Shirts

"I'm sorry darling, did I just say, 'I hate you with every micro-fiber of my being'?"

"I've decided to purge our material goods, starting with your crap."

"It's your job to work hard and get good grades, David. It's my job to make your mother laugh."

'You can stop saying 'uh-huh'! I stopped talking to you an hour ago!'

'I am trying to achieve a work-life balance'

'Our relationship would be perfect if it wasn't for you!'

'If you're not busy....any chance of a coffee ?'

"Does it have a chapter on using the phone to call someone who can do it right?"

'I know I retired just last week, Mr. Hartwell, but could I have my job back? My wife fired me.'

"Look at you—folding the laundry two days before couples therapy."

'That's right! Take refuge in logical argument.'

'Then go ahead with the merger/Pineapple will be fine/Make them the offer we discussed/All right dear, then vegetable soup/How many shares are outstanding?/Of course they'll like the vegetable soup...'

"The kids love it, and it's saved my marriage."

'I'm about to throw a tantrum. What are you doing?'

'You don't appreciate anything I do...like this PowerPoint presentation listing all the things I do that you don't appreciate.'

'How hard would it be to put your dirty glass in the dishwasher, instead of leaving it on the counter?'

"Now what did I do?"

'Communication's the key to getting along with Alvin - As long as we avoid any everything's fine.'

'I agree it was a pointless arguement, but I still won.'

'Okay, I apologise, but I'm still right!'

"Why is it that every time I stare mindlessly out the window you find something for me to do?"

'Nothing I do pleases my wife. I told her that I'm willing to discuss any subject - including our marriage - so long as the discourse remains superficial.'

'See - the last thing I want to do is upset you.'

"Of course I mind, but it's the only way I get to see him"

"Did you get my e-mail about who takes out the trash today?"

"If you're working from home today, do you mind if I go hang out at your office?"

"I seized yesterday."

"Don't you dare try to sneak out of this cartoon!"

"My concession speech will be brief. You win."

'Pssst! Dad - Give me a shout if Mum's calmed down and I'll come home.'

"Not right this second, but I'm very unhappy with that refrigerator."

'I am not being disagreeable!'

'It's bad enough I get overruled at home - but here also, Sharon?'

'Have you managed to persuade Tiddles to use the new cat-flap yet Dear?'

"She leaves wooden-handled knives soaking in the dishwater all night long. Your Honor."