Domestic Detectives Prints

'I see you have been mopping the floor while I was out. Are you doing this to be nice or disposing of evidence?' 'Why can't it be both?'

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

$1: Family Secrets

We have a problem with your research. We're Encyclopedia Britannica and you're Wikipedia.

"Sorry? I wasn't listening."

"Let me call you back, Lori. I'm binge-watching John clean the gutters."

It's a good thing our neighbors don't know what weirdos we are.

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"

Micro and Macro Department,

"Your curriculum vitae is extremely detailed, isn't it? I don't quite know what to make of the fact that your third-grade teacher, Miss Hartley, made you stand in the corner for throwing an eraser although another kid did it."

Don't forget to read the small print.

Those missing socks...where do they go?

"You say in your resume that you're very meticulous."

"I just audited our books. Your register came up five cents short, Rudy."

Devil in the detail

Darlene, my intelligence tells me that your fiance is a slob. What intelligence, Rudy? Surveillance photos – dirty clothes and towels thrown on the floor. Dishes piled up in the sink. That's my Mel? How did you get those? Top-flight government spy methods. House of Java.net Cybercafe.

'There's something wrong with the slow cooker. I check it every minute but nothing's cooking!'

'Talk about paranoid. He reads the fine print on his money.'

When pedants take a break.

"You know something doc, he weirdly kind of resembles you."

Forward Planning - The key to Success

"I investigated your husband, Mrs Adams. He isn't cheating on you. In fact, I'm your husband. We've just really lost touch recently."

"There's food in the fridge, and clues about the state of our marriage all around the house."

I'm sorry, sir, but the fact-checkers convention isn't until next week. Hotel.

Genealogy Service. Family Trees Traced. I discovered that not only are you heir to an unclaimed family fortune, but I'm your long lost brother Wally!

"The back of the house? Didn't I already show you that?"

'In another universe parallel to our own.'

"This is probably how they keep getting in."

'There's only one piece left. C'mon, we can figure this out.'

Old lady spying on the neighbours using a webcam.

"The little one? That's for small print!"

"I can smell his fear of commitment."

"How's this? 'Employee grants to Company, throughout the universe, the omniverse, including all fictional universes of parallel universes yet to be discovered...'"

"This is Clint. He handles the small print!"

What's mom's deal? She thinks we lie to her. Careful with the work "we," my little peck. Girls never lie. That was a whopper!