Domestic Delegators Pillows

"Marriage is proving to be one task too many, so I've asked Jenkins here to cover that for me."

'I hate leaving work when I feel I could have delegated more.'

"The kids love it, and it's saved my marriage."

'A few more years in this job and you'll learn how to delegate stress.'

God's Subcontractors

Paperwork No Me Gusta.

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

"How come you always take Amnesty International's side?"

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

Incompatible.

"Never do today what someone else can do tomorrow."

'Dear, you know how I hate it when you bring your work home.'

"I need to clone myself."

'As my subordinate, naturally I expect you to take the heat on things that otherwise would make me uncomfortable.'

"Did you get my e-mail about who takes out the trash today?"

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? My wife doesn't have a job. The other night she told me it'd be nice if I helped out a little more at home. So I replied "hey, I don't ask you to come to my place of business and do my job for me." I see. Have you tried the "act like I never said it and wait for her to forget it" routine? Yes, sir. I also, tried the "don't-make-eye-contact-until-she-forgets-it" maneuver. I'm running out of ideas.

'Ah, Williams, are you familiar with the term ‘Poisoned Chalice'?'

'We're having an argument. Do you know any battle marches?'

'Our relationship would be perfect if it wasn't for you!'

"You forgot to pick up the dry cleaning. It's written all over your face."

"I am not ‘politicizing the issue’ — I simply asked you to pick up your room!"

"I cede the remainder of my time to the ranking member."

'It wasn't premeditated.

'I'll need some people to boss around.'

'Not bad. Already 17 minutes into Saturday morning before I receive my first ultimatum.'

'Your three o'clock cancelled, we're still awaiting the Parson verdict, and your husband wants to know if the dishes are dirty or clean.'

'I start my day by making a list of everything I need to do . . . and who I can get to do it for me.'

"I learned early, if at first you don't succeed, delegate."

"She leaves wooden-handled knives soaking in the dishwater all night long. Your Honor."

"The defense rests."

"What's wrong?"

'You're three o'clock cancelled, the Parson deal is ending, and your husband wants to know if the dishes are dirty or clean.'

KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE AND YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER, 'That kind of thinking leads to marriage.'

"Why don't we compromise... you admit I'm right and I'll agree with you."

"Walking down here and asking if I can get you some more detergent from the store is just the beginning of my fence-mending agenda."