Doggy Doctor T-Shirts

'Nonsense, Melvin! Who ever heard of a tapeworm that big?'

"...and what really makes this story scary is the kittens got lost in the woods before flea and tick products were invented."

"I have your gender reveal results. Boy, girl, boy, boy, girl, girl, boy, girl, boy, boy..."

"Congratulations! It's a bitch!"

'No.... My cat doesn't like being given pills either...'

"Who's got excellent kidney function, according to this most recent round of tests? You do! Yes, you do!"

Dog in hospital pushes bone-shaped IV,

'If you don't notice an improvement after a few weeks, we can try a different cone.'

Child Brings Teddy Bear to Vet

Self-Employment

"How did you cure your dog of begging for food?"

'Ta dum deedee dum -- DUM -- Bloop -- Fsst, tra la,,,'

An inbred poodle.

"Good news—it's not colon cancer, it's tinsel."

'The nice thing about group practice is that two minds are better than one.'

"May I keep my collar on?"

'They should have extra-small thermometers for Yorkies, Doctor!'

'Let's play alternative health provider.'

"He's so old I usually let him do what he wants."

'Worst case of Prickly-Heat I've ever seen!'

'You treated his ears last year, but I guess the medicine didn't work because he's still shaking his head!"

"In my practice, I prefer to treat the whole hog."

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

'Sweetheart, Danny can't come home right now... I'll take a look at your doll baby this evening then probably schedule some tests.'

"We had him neutered,"

'Let's see...fever, rhinorrhea, chorea...Aha! canine distemper!'

"I'm a highly skilled service companion specifically trained to help people with disabilities such as visual impairment, PTSD and other disorders."

"But You Knew I Was An Animal Doctor!"

'The vet did it.'

Vet checks fish's heartbeat with a stethoscope through fish bowl.

'No, I'm sorry. I'm Doctor Ford and I do the large animal work....'

'Any other symptoms besides difficulty in marking your territory?'

'You're lucky you can't read.'

"I'm their pet. They love me. They'll do anything for me. They cut my balls off."

'How come our pets are the sorriest looking in town?'