Doggie Diet Detectives T-Shirts

'Nothing but veggies...we gotta learn to read.'

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

'Hey Harry, you know you've been walking around with a biscuit on your nose for the last two hours?'

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

'Like death by salad.'

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

Critisize your weight.

"At first glance this diet might seem boring but then you realize there are actually seven varieties of kale!"

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

Secretive Weigh In.

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

'This towel is wet so I'll subtract fourteen pounds.'

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

'Diet considerations.'

'Ugh, I hate food with preservatives.'

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

"I'm not sure what's causing your stomachache. But I think it's safe to rule out hunger pains."

Diets: Sweets and Biscuits.

Attack of the 'health' foods

'Where do you want to go for breakfast, fancy an Australian or do you want to nip over to Hawaii?'

'Come on, eat your spinach.' -' Sorry, I'm on a special diet...No toxic waste.'

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

Fido and Fifi

Weight Loss Counselor, out for a 400 calorie lunch.

Mind, Body, Spirit (and Food Court).

"Frankly, dear, I think you've been on this paleo diet much too long!"

'Remember, chew every bite 32 times.'

"I can't have anything that's a food."