Dog Astrologer Pillows

"Bad news - you're going to be neutered."

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

"...Wow, if Malcolm Gladwell is right, we need to get a cat who's a Virgo ASAP!"

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

"You are going to have lots of puppies."

'We're an equal opportunity employer and we do not discriminate against sex, race, religion, age, or astrological sign.'

'My horoscope said I was going to make someone happy today.'

'No wonder I'm exhausted. Look at my horoscope.'

They say animals have the sixth sense and the talent to look into the future...

K9 Authors.

"Shhh - he's trying open his third nostril."

You will awake to discover a dream come true.

I think the dolphin is my spirit animal! Unfortunately, it's likely mine is the sloth.

"We're not compatible. I'm a Virgo and your an idiot..."

"He's sending an instant message."

The first dog in space - with his head hanging out the window

Yeah, well, I only failed my logic exam because I'm a Pisces and my professor's a Leo.

"A wonderful cat is coming into your life."

Al, you look nonplussed. I just heard that they discovered a new astrological sign, and my birthday now falls under the sign of the jackass.

"Eye irritation is quite common when Saturn and Jupiter are in this position. It's called conjunctivitis."

'Don't you think it's strange that all snakes are Aries, Taurus or Gemini...?'

'I don't believe in astrology. I think that's because I'm a Leo.'

'I'm a Pisces.'

'According to my horoscope one of us is going on a long journey.'

"I can only tell you what's in your future - it's up to you to chase it."

'Ha ha! You've been afraid of someone else's future!'

'With all due respect for your horoscope, your loan payment is still due today.'

'Your horoscope says you're going to have a nasty accident today.'

"The sign of the sun has been a big influence on his local life, it's his local pub."

'Thanks to the horoscopes, I became pretty rich! I devise and sell that stuff!'

"It says we're incompatible, I'm Virgo and you're stupid."

"Can you wait just a minute while I check my latest horoscope?"

"And do you have any other form of security against a loan other than this 'Good times are coming' horoscope?"

"I don't suppose we could discuss this when my Mars isn't in opposition to your Sun?"

Astrological accidents.