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"And remember, have your parents ask their doctor if Ambulex is right for them."

You should have come in sooner.

'I got twenty dollars for your motorbike, is that good?'

Another successful recruitment drive for the Collins University Medical Research Center.

Even medical students sometimes have to repeat a year.

Doctors to screen for depression.

'O.K. people, it's time to test our work...'

Inside One's Memory Bank

'It was more of a 'triple blind' test. The patients didn't know which ones were getting the real drug, the doctors didn't know, and, I'm afraid nobody knew.'

"You can't list your iPhone as your primary-care physician."

'It's ok, I'm a florist'

'Cricked Neck Clinic' sign says 'Out to Lunch' hung sideways for patients to read.

"I'm afraid that your irritable bowel syndrome has progressed. You now have furious and vindictive bowel syndrome."

'First, let me give you something for the pain.'

"When did you start thinking there might be something wrong with you?" "When you told me!"

Rodney kicked off his fitness regime by buying a heavier remote control...this was not enough.

Man sees goldfish swimming in his IV bag.

An obsession with drugs,delusions of power,paranoid tendencies...still enough about me what can I do for you?

Healthcare workers come to the N.H.S. Fancy dress party dressed as viruses.

"You don't mind the psychometric test, do you?"

"Lucky we caught it early. It's easier to treat in the larva stage."

MRSA Risk.

Surgeon to other: 'First organ transplant?'

Hospital Reception - Ring for assistance

'You'll be in a lot of pain after your operation.' - 'Okay.' - 'Side effects of the general anaesthetic can include vomiting, shivering, confusion, dizziness, headache...' - 'That's fine.' - '...and you'll need to fast for six hours before the operation.'

"I'm afraid we've had to move him to expensive care."

'Yes, there's something wrong: The voltmeter shows a very low reading...'

Giving GP's the right motivation

"The most common adverse vaccine reaction after the first dose is trying to get the second dose."

'Remember I said I wish I had more arms so I could get more things done? Well the doctor took care of that problem.'

"This semester I'm taking litigation avoidance. How about you?"

'Your wallet's being stolen. It's good you came in when it first started bothering you. We've caught it early.'

"On reflection, I admit the hernia stitches were too tight."

'the fact that you're a malpractice lawyer aside, I'm going to schedule every medical test known to mankind.'

Doctors Without Boundaries