Divine Mission Doubter Pillows

If Peter had only interpreted Jesus' words literally...

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

Ghostwriting the Bible

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

'Are you sure You can be objective? -After all, You did CREATE them.'

"I wonder how many people are claiming to be your messiah right now?"

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

"Mr. Pope, please give this summons to your boss. The prosecutor wants to know how god can allow so much misery."

"He really isn't bad, per se, but he is kind of a jerk."

"If everything is God's will, tell me again why I need to study for exams?"

"I'm an agnostic now that I've started having self doubts."

"Why did God make fruit if he also made candy?"

'I wonder if there's a message up there somewhere.'

A not-so-happy God, with the Humans, sticking an Eviction Notice to the Earth

"Having completed the formation of the earth, on the seventh day the Lord rested. Then, on the eighth day, the Lord said, 'Let there be problems.' And there were problems."

"Instead of Red Team and Blue Team, why don't we make it Good v. Evil?"

'Just one God? - But won't he be outnumbered?'

Hermes, Process Server Of The Gods

'I'm all tired out from creating - let's just use NATURAL selection from now on.'

'What did He do before he was God?'

It's true. Some days I feel like creating a miracle, and some days I just feel like helping a dude catch a touchdown pass.

Jesus wept

"This is a little embarrassing to admit, but everything that happens happens for no real reason."

''Adam and Eve'? -- then You're going ahead with the dualism idea?'

"I stand corrected..."

"Yeah, it's a sweet boat Noah, but you're still gonna have to start over."

'I've got the inside track ... But the Devil uses the big freeway.'

"Well, son, in a way, I suppose Jesus was a trust-fund baby."

"From the looks of things, I shouldn't have rested on the seventh day."

'If we have everlasting life, what about entropy?'

"Hey, this is a good bit- did I say that?"

God's Fly Swat...