District Attorney Pillows

'Though you didn't actually attack the victim, your endlessly droning on about technical stuff did bore him to death.'

"Oh, he's quite a prosecutor, all right ? three of the jurors confessed."

Lady Justice wears a blindfold, but listens through headphones to a tape recorder on one of her scales.

Jackie Lacey

Pot Busts Gone Wild

My client is a simple man with simple needs, your honor. He was driven to embezzlement by his avaricious wife's expensive lifestyle. By rights, she should be in jail, not him. I'd suggest this to the district attorney, except for the fact that she and I are currently dating. Speaking of which, could you lend me a hundred bucks?

The evidence will show, your honor, that the defendant is a master manipulator.

District Attorney. Yes, your client will get immunity if he cooperates, but it's not that kind of immunity.

'Yes, counselor... I know the District Attorney is lying, but you must remember, he's with the good guys, and you're not.'

'The kid is being tried as an adult. The old man is in his second childhood, so he's being tried as a juvenile.'

'We still haven't reached a verdict. Perhaps the DA could cut us a deal.'

'Say, Ted, isn't that your lawyer?'

'I cut a deal. Seven years. Even less if I ever remember to mail in this ‘Get two years off' rebate coupon.'

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

"Do you want to pretend to be a doctor and I'll pretend to be a hotshot civil litigation attorney who sues you till your ears bleed?"

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"Well if I can't be a cowboy I'll be a lawyer for cowboys."

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

'If corporate lawyers are a dime a dozen, where are the other ten?'

'There they go - off on their own - and a finer bunch of fledgelings one couldn't ask.'

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, especially when you're majoring in Law.'

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

'I request an postponement, Your Honor -- I have to study for my bar exams.'

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

'Hello, Acme signs? This is the Berger & Coles Law Office...'

I love Lawyers

Cat and dog at a will reading.