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Before the Internet

A Punch and Judy Professor is visited by Death as a puppet.

Shell Fire

Starbucks Siren

'I'd prefer it if the view was closer.'

"Let's try one with your hand tucked into your shirt."

COMPAGNIE D'ASSURANCE DE PARIS, 'I can't believe you sold an insurance policy to NOSTRADAMUS!'

'I hope this surprise view is worth the climb!'

Have you ever sued anyone for slander or libel, Randy? Indeed I have, little buddy. It was 1979. Francis Melba stood up in the middle of the cafeteria and accused me - in front of all the other kids - of being "nothing special." So I stood atop my table, ripped my shirt in two, slowly smoothed out my mustache, and then proceeded to flex my pecs, one at a time. HOJ. The sunlight streaming in through the windows scattered off my bouncing pecs like a disco ball. That's when Melba knew he was toast.

I told you not to touch its belly.

Bot Art: After Judith Leyster

Intramission

'I think you got carried away with the whole five portions of fruit and veg thing.'

'Yes, the invisible man does live here, but he can't be seen today.'

"Gracie, I know you think Frida Kahlo deserves admiration as a great painter...and I know you want to honor her by changing your name to Frida. But aren't you going a little too far?"

'I think it's an organic still life.'

'So you got the endorsement contract?'

"I only eat food that looks expensive."

'What a beautiful landscape!'

'I'm just adding to my collection of figurines.'

The Bavarians, scene 2.

'Tomb of the unkown Scottish goalie.'

Cow at night.

'It's true, you're a big star: The Zoo has posted photos of you all over town...'

Ballerinas Change a Light bulb

Individual snowflakes painting by Santa.

People on a map with pegs on their noses.

A tortoises shells

"I'll have to admit he's rather attractively packaged."

2012 earthquake

Kissing Booth

Angling Competition

'Some of these are not birth marks...they're age spots.'

'No! No! I said carve a SACRED cow!'