Dinner With Friends T-Shirts

"Must you create a scene every time the bill arrives?"

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

"I love this place—its food, its ambience, and its political goals."

'Enjoy your meal! We grow everything ourselves!'

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

It's not because I'm nervous. The reason I'm not eating is because I really do have butterflies in my stomach.

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'Protein, starch, vegetable??? When you said 'square meal' I thought PIZZA IN A BOX!'

'I'm worried about him, he eats his vegetables, but not his dessert!'

"I say it's Kale, and I say it's spinaches shitfaced uncle."

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"When portions are this huge, I eat half now and the rest in a few minutes."

"Oh, mournful and terrible engine of horror and crime—of agony and of death, not asparagus again!"

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

"Tia Carmen's not happy unless she can send people away with a plate of leftovers for the road."

'Don't let him pick the wine. He thinks Dom Perignon was someone who got knocked off on the Sopranos.'

'Would you like you steak WITH or WITHOUT a capella?'

"Joel! Killer crust!"

"It was a cheese and wine party but the mice got there first!"

'It's just some Pour 'n' Serve, Stir 'n' Blend, Bake 'n' Slice, Mix 'n' Broil and Chop 'n' Simmer.'

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

"I hope we can sell everything before it's time for mom to make dinner."

Selfish shellfish - 'You kids share your food and stop being shellfish!'

'The Ambassador will not be pleased, Madame.'

'4 Jello desserts - and, for the love of God, please make them all the same color.' (at restaurant with three kids)

"I grabbed it away from Larry and seasoned it properly just in time. It's a rescue meatloaf."

An experimentalist alarms his guests by describing the appearance of the mushrooms in a dish they have just eaten.

Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'