Dinner Date Skeptic Pillows

'New partner, eh? Let me just run a complimentary CRB check for you.'

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

Romantic Violinist.

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

'Sorry, but we're going out for dinner.'

"Oh, how sweet of you."

"Oui, c'est bon. It is, how you Americans say, 'Magically Delicious'."

The Bare Minimum

'The braised toucan was fine...although I found the bill a little large.'

"Mine says this relationship will never work out and I should dump you right now!"

"You're looking gorgeous tonight darling..."

'Tasty bird.'

'I hope you agree, sir. They don't come any fresher than this!'

'Love's young dream or no, they're going to have to take a hunt!'

What do I want out of our relationship? Same thing anyone wants. Good value.

'Would you like a romantic table or are you married?'

'Have I ever told you how beautiful you are when you agree with me?'

Being the gentleman he was, Brian insisted on paying in restaurants even though he suddenly realised that dating a bacterium was going to be more expensive than he first thought.

'Look, I know I'm just the bread, but I feel like you guys aren't being emotionally honest with each other and it's going to cause problems down the road.'

"Are there any reports of illness at this table?"

"I never knew what love was until you came along and explained it to me."

'Alice are you dating me only because you don't feel like cooking?'

'Sorry, but we're going out for dinner.'

"Remember the last time you took me out? We had ration books!"

"Hold that afterthought!"

"Know any marches? I just gave him his marching papers."

'All right, I agree with you.'

'I'll never forget the first time we met...when that gardener cut you in half with his spade.'

"I love you, even though you still use a flip phone."

"I refuse to squabble in public until we're legally married."

'Oh Harry, look at that cute couple! How come we don't do anything romantic like that anymore?'

'Maybe it's the wine talking but you look as good today as the day I first settled for you.'

"Would you care for something to talk about during dinner?"

"Did you notice the smirk on his face when he said 'enjoy'?"

It is lonely being an old man - but not being a ...