Dining Dynamics Critic T-Shirts

"If I can't pay you for dinner can I at least give you a little something for sex afterwards?"

"The fish sticks here are very good."

"Great coffee, Carole."

"Expense account or regular?"

"Hey, …. what's not to like?"

"Would you like to see the markup?"

Waiter does not want to see customer make bubbles in his wine.

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

'Oxford, Cambridge, Redbrick, Poly . . .'

"Smoking or nonsmoking?"

'Roast chickens £4. Pensioners £3.'

'In case of emergency, break glass.'

'The tax and tip I understand, but what's this charge for shipping and handling?'

Waiter: 'Your Tossed salad Ma'am.'

"The catch of the day is halibut. The day it was caught was last Tuesday."

"If you represent special interests, I can seat you immediately."

'You are quite right, the soup is cold.'

'Is there a money back guarantee if the burrito isn't as big as your head?'

"Would you like free or expensive water?"

"I like you and all, Carl, but you've just got too many problems."

'Trouble cutting pickled onions.'

Gross! Get you external hard drive off the dinner table!

"What will change my life?"

'I was bringing your businessman's lunch, sir, but a Government bureaucrat confiscated it!'

"How was the food sir?"

Deli Special - 2 bean salad: 'We ran out of red beans.'

Al's Diner. No Tipping (wink, wink).

'Why don't you stop moaning, and be grateful that mother was kind enough to invite us around for a special halloween supper!'

"Now dear...remember the sermon on PATIENCE..."

"Our specials can also be accessed at www.todaysspecials.com."

"It's a calling. Someone has to help feed the less fortunate."

"Hi again. Can I just check whether you enjoyed me interrupting your meal five minutes ago to ask whether you were enjoying your meal?"

"Now, who ordered the salad?"

"Waiter - this dish doesn't contain enough adjectives..!"

"My, oh, my! What a fascinating guy you are, Vincent! But now, if it's not too much trouble, I'd like you to take my order."