Dining Dynamics Critic T-Shirts

"If I can't pay you for dinner can I at least give you a little something for sex afterwards?"

"The fish sticks here are very good."

"Great coffee, Carole."

"Hey, …. what's not to like?"

"Expense account or regular?"

"Would you like to see the markup?"

'Oxford, Cambridge, Redbrick, Poly . . .'

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

Waiter does not want to see customer make bubbles in his wine.

"Smoking or nonsmoking?"

'In case of emergency, break glass.'

'Roast chickens £4. Pensioners £3.'

Waiter: 'Your Tossed salad Ma'am.'

'The tax and tip I understand, but what's this charge for shipping and handling?'

"The catch of the day is halibut. The day it was caught was last Tuesday."

"If you represent special interests, I can seat you immediately."

"Would you like free or expensive water?"

'Trouble cutting pickled onions.'

'You are quite right, the soup is cold.'

'Is there a money back guarantee if the burrito isn't as big as your head?'

"What will change my life?"

"Our specials can also be accessed at www.todaysspecials.com."

'I was bringing your businessman's lunch, sir, but a Government bureaucrat confiscated it!'

'Why don't you stop moaning, and be grateful that mother was kind enough to invite us around for a special halloween supper!'

"It's a calling. Someone has to help feed the less fortunate."

"How was the food sir?"

"Now dear...remember the sermon on PATIENCE..."

"Hi again. Can I just check whether you enjoyed me interrupting your meal five minutes ago to ask whether you were enjoying your meal?"

Deli Special - 2 bean salad: 'We ran out of red beans.'

"Now, who ordered the salad?"

"Waiter - this dish doesn't contain enough adjectives..!"

"Here are Monsieur Limace, our sommelier, Monsiere Juron, chef de Cuisine and Mr Kruigshenk, specialist for the beheading of breakfast eggs."