Digital Health Prints

"The doctor says your vital signs are strong, but the IT guy says your portal password is weak."

"Everything I see looks like a website captcha. I'm either having vision problems, or I'm spending too much time online."

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

'We don't have a cure for your ailment but there is an appropriate app available.'

Feel alienated by technology? Tell me more. Press 1 for yes, 2 for no.

"According to my phone, society is on the brink of collapse, but, according to our living room, things seem pretty O.K."

"I'm sorry, but the doctor no longer sees patients in person. But he does take e-mail from 9 to 3."

'Do you want the pill, the suppository, the patch, or the app?'

"Sale. Save 100% of your energy by closing this website. Close now. No, thanks."

Man Gives Computer Therapy/

"I have to tell you, I got a totally different diagnosis from someone named PookyPoo on medi-answer.com."

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

Deposit phones here

That's my diagnosis. If you want a second opinion, I will ask my Smart Phone

'This new diet drug comes as a pill, patch, or as a phone app with Siri saying, don't eat so much.'

"I've been using the latest home tech and apps to monitor my health....And after feeding the results into some online medical sites I discovered I was dead!"

"Take two aspirin and email me in the morning."

"Hey Siri, why does my neck hurt?"

'If I do decide to get a second opinion, can I get it at your blog?'

M.D. We call it "MySpace Wrist." Stop taking pictures of yourself.

"Well sorry doc, but that's not the reading I get from my digital wrist heart monitor."

"I'm getting the hang of the patient portal. It reminded me to refill my beta blocker, but I keep getting ads. Can you prescribe a good pop-up blocker too?"

"I run a weight loss site, and my friend here runs a bodybuilding site."

"It's the only way I can get some of my patience to listen to me!"

Cyber-Cise: 'Let's start with 3 sets of 8 reps of uploading, rest and repeat for downloading.'

Going to a split screen doesn't count as a second opinion, doctor.

"Sorry, honey. Did we wake you with our weeping and gnashing of teeth?"

"So, how do you like your new medical website?"

'Nurse Nodnik will be live blogging the operation.'

"That's my diagnosis, and don't waste time looking it up. I've already consulted with Siri and Alexa."

"Mom, I can't take the stress of social media. I'm running away from my home page!"

'I have your lab results on my tablet - just let me finish this game first.'

"I'm so much more relaxed since I got this mindfulness app."

'I love this RX site - I can look up prices for all of my unaffordable medicine around town!'

Mobile Prison