Dietary Advisor T-Shirts

"No offense, but the manna needs salt."

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

'Now that I've lost weight, I can't afford new clothes in my size.'

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

"You're a strong, virile stallion of a man, Randy. Has anyone ever told you that?"

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

"Winter is coming, and there will be months without much sunshine, so it's important that you take your vitamin D supplement Darling..."

'Congratulations on your 100% plant-based diet. I'm referring you to a botanist.'

'All those vegetables Mom's been feeding me finally paid off. I'm a squash.'

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

'The doctor said oily fish was good for his brain development.'

'They took my Science Fair Award away. They said I ate too much fish, which is brainfood. So, it was like I was on mental steroids.'

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

'Too many people in our state are overweight, Senator. They want fat-free pork.'

'Yes, the treestand's maximum weight capacity is 300 pounds, you weigh 301 pounds.'

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

The new diet not working out too good, huh, Frank?

'They say you have to drink 4 times as much merlot as pinot noir to get the same level of anti-oxidants. Isn't that just too, too bad?'

'We've only got a couple of days to finish this box of cereal. Mom'll never let us eat something called energy-packed after school's out.'

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

"I don't care if it's plant-based, you're creeping everyone out."

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

'Look, I know it's artificial orange, but you're sick, I say, sick.'

'Ahh...now there's a man who understands women.'

"I think the 'Exotic Recipe' diet will make me lose weight. I'm running all over town trying to find the ingredients!"

North Fork, the town too tough to diet.

The Boxing Glove Diet was working for Bertram.

'Thank you waiter - my wife's the rabbit.'

'I'm taking you off that banana diet, Mrs Smith!'

'Dad, you know that I'd never buy a pet that eats meat. Luckily, I found a guy who sold me the World's only vegetarian dog!'

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

'Remember to eat your 500,000 a day son!'