Diet Demand Diver Mugs

"Have you got anything that is Glutton Free?"

"It's kohlrabi, the next hot vegetable."

La Table

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

"Our fresh seasonal hand-crafted brews contain a full serving of spring vegetables."

All Natural Nothing

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

Queen of Quinoa

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

Happy Surrogate Thanksgiving

Spontaneous Kombucha

"I always end up buying way more black-truffle honey than I intended."

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

"D'you remember caramel before it all became 'salted?'"

Child Sells Gluten Free Mudpies

"Can you reinvent the classic grilled cheese for me?"

"It's completely normal for someone your age to develop a taste for butterscotch."

"For the first half hour, I was, like, really there. Enchanted. But I found the wild-quail confit so disappointing that not even the fig reduction on the poached pear could get me back."

'This is gluten free, isn't it?'

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."

"Nothing is organic, local or sustainable. Now, can we get started?"

"Fridge-to-table"

"Here we go again, every 30,000 years or so this Paleo diet becomes a fad."

Cinema with a salad bar in its lobby.

'Bad news! More people are switching from red meat to fish!'

'It's one of those trendy 'warm salads,' with sausage, fried eggs, bacon and black pudding.'

"I'm sorry, but Chef Scott feels he's moved beyond that concept."

'As it's your birthday, I think I'll have a pudding.'

'According to Dr Alvin McDowell, everything that was good for you is now bad for you!'

A woman looks at greeting cards in a section entitled "New Pie".