Diet Decoder T-Shirts

'Sorry, no carbs.'

'Yes, it is a carrot. You haven't been getting enough fibre.'

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

'Not that sort of body building program!'

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

'Like death by salad.'

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

Secretive Weigh In.

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

"At first glance this diet might seem boring but then you realize there are actually seven varieties of kale!"

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

Critisize your weight.

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

'This towel is wet so I'll subtract fourteen pounds.'

'Ugh, I hate food with preservatives.'

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

'Diet considerations.'

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

'You might show a little excitement at the figures, Johnson!'

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

DIY horror.

"Give me your metabolism! Now!"

'Stocks shot up. . . no one on the committee could understand a word that Bernanke was saying.'

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

"I'm not sure what's causing your stomachache. But I think it's safe to rule out hunger pains."

Diets: Sweets and Biscuits.

'Physical or Social Science?'

'Where do you want to go for breakfast, fancy an Australian or do you want to nip over to Hawaii?'

'Come on, eat your spinach.' -' Sorry, I'm on a special diet...No toxic waste.'