Diagnostic Medical Sonographer Prints

Sonographer and pregnant couple looking at images of the fetus on a screen with options to share the image on various social media platforms

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

"Here...let me call an expert...someone who knows about these things."

'Yeah, the radiology job market is really hot right now - it's so hot I think I'm getting third degree burns! I gotta go!'

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

Smartphone Sonogram

Why all mothers deserve a special day.

"I'm afraid that you have gnumonia."

"Congratulations! It's centuplets!"

'I have no idea what's wrong with you. I just collect information. My computer makes the decisions.'

"So, Mrs. Fessler, I understand you're a stand-up comic."

Bedside Manna.

"All good: This egg looks healthy as well..."

'...And there's the hands - it looks like - well, it looks like he's texting.'

"Congratulations, it looks like half a dozen."

'I'm sorry, but it's suffering from a terminal disease.'

'Well my inner diagnostician thinks your inner diagnostician is completely off the wall.'

Doctor, I can't feel my legs! I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms.

'I diagnosed you with THAT? Whoa! You patients really need to be more involved with your healthcare!'

'I'm the doctor - I'll decide what's chronic!'

"The ultrasound showed it wasn't a pearl, but I am pregnant."

'You're free to get a second opinion, but it looks like something's wrong with that green thingie by your liver.'

"I'd say it's a fungal infection."

"Well, yes, I suppose I could explain the test results in 'plain English' — but then you'd know how sick you are."

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

I don't know what it is, but it's a textbook case of something.

"Please note nurse: healthy baby, next appointment in two weeks..."

"Dogs can detect cancer, and mice can detect tuberculosis."

"It seems all doctors agree with you, but I'd still like to get a 15th opinion."

'I've conducted a meta analysis of the myriad of tests we've run and I think I can say with a certain level of certainty that you are probably screwed...'

'Well you can tell Dr. Zimler that you don't have Dalnik's syndrome, and, in fact, I think you have Zimler's syndrome.'

"The doctors call it Polymyositis, but I call it 'Military Arthritis' because it comes with a lot of fatigue."

'Is there any chance you have been in close contact with a Baritone?'

'I asked you for one good reason why I should follow your advice, not six.'

'Would you like your ultrasound photos standard, high definition, 3-D, or 4K ultra HD?'