Detox Dabbler T-Shirts

"I just finished a 10-day cleanse. Now it's time to retox."

"I appreciate your devices that make it seem like you're paying attention, but could you actually pay attention and make eye contact so I know you are?"

"Next time don't use a herbed vinegar."

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

'I don't think he's so smart. I had to show him three times before he got the hank of it.'

"Hold on, hun... I'm just saying, losing four ounces in a month is better than gaining four ounces in a month!"

'Let's go and make some unfunded spending committments.'

"I need someone well versed in the art of torture- do you know PowerPoint?"

My first mistake.

"Constant delays and confusion over Brexit are causing the firm huge problems. . ."

'When the school upgraded its operating system, for the third time, I upgraded my headache medicine from over-the-counter to prescription strength.'

DIY Shelves

'...and that concludes this seminar on healthy living. Now, if anyone cares to join me, I'm off to that new place down the street for some steak and a few beers.'

The Screeeen!

'I can't get the hang of this cloud computing...'

'I don't surf the net, I just kind of dog-paddle through it.'

"Do you have a one day a year membership?"

Snow Surgery

Negotiations over the new colour scheme had reached stalemate.

'If we are to differentiate ourselves from the private sector we need to focus on a reorientation of our client-facing interactions to prioritise customer led positive responses to intervention scenarios.'

"How can you study while listening to music and TV at the same time?"

"I'll take a latte with Mocha, Vanilla, Caramel, Hazelnut, Cinnamon, Chai, White Chocolate, Pumpkin Spice, Gingerbread, Butterscotch and Marshmallow. Hold the whipped cream, I'm on a diet."

"A good rule of thumb is, if you can't lift it, don't eat it."

The Cat that Ate the Canary, 3 a.m.

'Yes, been meaning to call maintenance to put up that shelf for ages now...'

Computer: 'You-are-spending-too-much-time-interfacing-with-food'

Two men talking in front of half finished driveway. 'Your wife did mention you'd had an economy drive.'

'He's at the 'awkward stage' in converting to paperless so he carries both a laptop and a briefcase.'

Driving school car has sign on the rear; 'How's my learning?'

I'm sure it's here somewhere!

'Edwards, you fool, I'm Dr.Blake - the experiment worked! It means riches and fame for me - us! I meant us!'

A knitter's in and out boxes

'I hate his more-contagious-than-thou attitude!'