Detox Dabbler T-Shirts

"I just finished a 10-day cleanse. Now it's time to retox."

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

"I appreciate your devices that make it seem like you're paying attention, but could you actually pay attention and make eye contact so I know you are?"

'I don't think he's so smart. I had to show him three times before he got the hank of it.'

"Next time don't use a herbed vinegar."

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

"Hold on, hun... I'm just saying, losing four ounces in a month is better than gaining four ounces in a month!"

'Let's go and make some unfunded spending committments.'

"I need someone well versed in the art of torture- do you know PowerPoint?"

My first mistake.

'When the school upgraded its operating system, for the third time, I upgraded my headache medicine from over-the-counter to prescription strength.'

"Constant delays and confusion over Brexit are causing the firm huge problems. . ."

DIY Shelves

'...and that concludes this seminar on healthy living. Now, if anyone cares to join me, I'm off to that new place down the street for some steak and a few beers.'

The Screeeen!

'I can't get the hang of this cloud computing...'

'I don't surf the net, I just kind of dog-paddle through it.'

Negotiations over the new colour scheme had reached stalemate.

"Do you have a one day a year membership?"

Snow Surgery

"I'll take a latte with Mocha, Vanilla, Caramel, Hazelnut, Cinnamon, Chai, White Chocolate, Pumpkin Spice, Gingerbread, Butterscotch and Marshmallow. Hold the whipped cream, I'm on a diet."

'If we are to differentiate ourselves from the private sector we need to focus on a reorientation of our client-facing interactions to prioritise customer led positive responses to intervention scenarios.'

"A good rule of thumb is, if you can't lift it, don't eat it."

"How can you study while listening to music and TV at the same time?"

The Cat that Ate the Canary, 3 a.m.

'He's at the 'awkward stage' in converting to paperless so he carries both a laptop and a briefcase.'

Two men talking in front of half finished driveway. 'Your wife did mention you'd had an economy drive.'

'Yes, been meaning to call maintenance to put up that shelf for ages now...'

Computer: 'You-are-spending-too-much-time-interfacing-with-food'

Driving school car has sign on the rear; 'How's my learning?'

'I'm going to put you on a low carb diet,'

I'm sure it's here somewhere!

'Edwards, you fool, I'm Dr.Blake - the experiment worked! It means riches and fame for me - us! I meant us!'

A knitter's in and out boxes

Weight Watchers live off the fat of the land.